Friday, December 25, 2015
It is Christmas day and I am blessed, but lonely. I am truly thankful for all that I have, and my own little family, I am. But I go on Facebook, and I see all these pictures of families, big families, and groups of friends gathered together, and I am made aware of the loneliness of our little family. It is just the three of us today.... We have had a good day, don't get me wrong. We got lovely presents from each other, and we ate a good meal. We spent time together, just the three of us. I can't help but yearn for a large gathering though... To wish that we had a large, close knit family, or a large group of friends that considered us family enough to invite us over for the day. I am a little jealous of that camaraderie... I am not sure if it is me, or if it is this military life. Constantly moving, uprooting, attempting to forge new relationships, one military base at a time. It is HARD!!! Hard to start over every few years. Hard to make new, good friends that will last. I know that I should be happy for the blessings that we do have, but I am a social person. I love to be surrounded by people. I like having friends to go out with, shop with, drink wine with... for some reason, that is missing at this base. That is not to say that I have NO friends... I do.. a few. But they are out of town with their huge, close knit families. :( I want a tribe, I want a group of people to call family and spend time with, and gather with on the holidays. I have been told that I am difficult person to get to know. I am very blunt and honest, and I expect honesty, trust and loyalty from those I call my friends. I guess these days that is a lot to ask. I also find that I am the one people call when they need something, to borrow something, or help with something, but I am the last to be invited to the fun stuff; parties, holiday get togethers, wine nights in..etc. Sometimes that stings!! All year long, I am there for other people. Involved on our base, helping wherever I can, being there for everyone, and then along come the holidays. It is as if they have all forgotten that I exist!!! Everyone has parties, dinners, fire pits, etc, and I am not included. My husband constantly tells me not to worry about others, because I have him, and he will always be there for me. He is right, but I find it so difficult not to be surrounded by people. I crave a group, a sisterhood at this base that I fit into. Maybe the new year will bring change... who knows. I guess anything is possible.. Anyway, thanks for listening to my ramblings. Sometimes you just have to let it pour out!!! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!